So. Perhaps to return to the blog that then-fiance now-husband made us start? It could be the time.
First thoughts that must be expressed are on friendship. This is a realization that has smacked me square in the face, and a reminder of what I should strive for. If you are going to have someone as a friend - if they are going to be a friend to you, and you are going to accept and encourage that friendship, you must in turn be a friend to them!
It cannot be about you all the time. You have to allow the conversation to, at least occasionally be about them, and not finagle it around to you again. You must let them be a significant part of the relationship, and not consider each of their statements or stories as an opportunity to talk about yourself.
I urge you to take a look at your friendships and examine - truthfully - whether you are allowing your friends the opportunity and the freedom to express themselves, their needs, desires, insecurities, wants, hopes, fears, all, or any of this, without judgment, without turning the story away from them.
You may not recognize this - I did not recognize it in myself. I challenge you. Pay attention to each conversation you have in the next 24 hours. How many times do you change your friend's story into a story of your own? If you value your friendship, make sure you give them the chance to express their spirit. Sometimes they have things to share, and if you try to trump them, it only shows you devalue them.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
Struggles to improve
The thing about it is, if I keep at it, if I keep doing what I'm doing, I should theoretically get better with experience.
But it's hard to know what that means. There comes a point when you just don't know what the problem is; and if you don't know what the issue is, how can you know how to address or improve it? And so what do you do then? How do you keep learning and growing? Where do you go, who do you talk to when you don't know?
Sure, there are others around me, but they're busy, and they get tired of all the questions, and - more importantly - they make it sound so easy. "All you do is" this; "you just have to" do that. It sounds like it is not a big deal. It's so simple, see? The answer is right here!
But if that's the case, why isn't it actually making a difference? Why am I not seeing changes? How do I make the connections for them? How do I speak the language I need to learn, to make sense of what the body does or doesn't do? How do I get through to them?
It's beyond overwhelming sometimes, and intimidating. Sometimes it feels as if there is nothing more I can do, sometimes it feels like a lost cause. Why do I even bother? I need something good, I need a positive thing, some sign I am doing the right thing here.
But it's hard to know what that means. There comes a point when you just don't know what the problem is; and if you don't know what the issue is, how can you know how to address or improve it? And so what do you do then? How do you keep learning and growing? Where do you go, who do you talk to when you don't know?
Sure, there are others around me, but they're busy, and they get tired of all the questions, and - more importantly - they make it sound so easy. "All you do is" this; "you just have to" do that. It sounds like it is not a big deal. It's so simple, see? The answer is right here!
But if that's the case, why isn't it actually making a difference? Why am I not seeing changes? How do I make the connections for them? How do I speak the language I need to learn, to make sense of what the body does or doesn't do? How do I get through to them?
It's beyond overwhelming sometimes, and intimidating. Sometimes it feels as if there is nothing more I can do, sometimes it feels like a lost cause. Why do I even bother? I need something good, I need a positive thing, some sign I am doing the right thing here.
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