When you haven't written in a long time, you forget how hard it is. Not that it's difficult to type out words and make them into a sentence - I do that all the time in emails. But to do it well - to be effective, to be moving - that's challenging.
When you used to "be a writer," and you've been away from it, you forget that it didn't just come easily and simply. It didn't all just flow out of your mind and onto the page, in these beautifully phrased, elegant paragraphs.
You forget all the times you had to just say everything you could think of until you could pinpoint some sort of theme. You forget how to actually start drafting, how to search for the data points that support your focus. You forget that you change your mind halfway through. You forget that even after you've written everything you think you want to, you reread it and realize you don't want to say that at all.
Writing again is like the first time you move after you've been sick in bed for a couple weeks. There is stiffness and uncertainty, aches and dullness as you start to flex the prime movers. Awareness has dimmed or faded, and for the first few tries it's more exploration and attempting than it is working out. Will this ever feel normal again?
After a while you start to feel some awakening; you sense some memories dancing at the edge of consciousness. There is a little burst of success, the "aha!" moment that reminds you what it used to feel like. Hopefully, if you keep at it, it will get better. Hopefully this is the start of something new and amazing.
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Friday, April 4, 2014
Weekend Getaway to Toronto
For Andrew's birthday this year, I booked a weekend trip to Toronto, Canada. We've heard great things about it, and have been itching to get some stamps in our new passports. It's been a while since we traveled for fun, and we were both feeling the need to get away.
The quick flight from O'Hare into Toronto's Pearson Airport was relaxed and smooth, notable only because of Pearson's emptiness. Pearson is one of the busiest airports in Canada, but you wouldn't guess it based on our flight - we arrived to what felt like an abandoned airport. We hopped in a taxi for about 35 minutes and arrived at our hotel (the Marriott Bloor Yorkville) around lunch, famished and eager to start exploring.
When traveling we rarely make reservations or schedule out our whole trip, because we love spontaneous exploration, but we like to have ideas for sightseeing and restaurants (especially since I've been known to get hangry!). A personal recommendation, and research on Beer Advocate, led us to barVolo for lunch, and for the beer selection, we could not have done better.
Only one other customer graced the dark, heavy wood tables; the richly aged banisters and bar accents were reminiscent of an old English pub. We chose a corner table with a booth and mismatched chairs, and were promptly greeted by the bartender, who explained that we order food and drinks at the bar. I love knowing what to expect! From our table, I glimpsed an ice cream shop style counter refrigerator which serves as their cooler for rarer bottled beers. Atop the cooler was a case of (empty) Westvleteren bottles. Whether or not the bottles had ever been full, I was impressed by the display.
BarVolo is known for its large selection of Canadian beers, and their chalk menu clearly lists the style next to the beer name for all 32 beers on tap. When the bartender (alas, I forget his name - he was so friendly and knowledgeable!) discovered we are beer geeks, he wrote a list of bars and restaurants for us to check out. He also spent quite a bit of time explaining the Canadian beer system to us. Canada's beer laws are very strict, and it's difficult to import beers even from another Canadian province. That barVolo has so many beers on tap is a testament to their continued hard work, and their passion for beer.
For much of the rest of our day we wandered about the city, exploring different neighborhoods and scoping out interesting buildings and houses. The Frank Gehry-designed Art Gallery of Ontario offered an amazing model ship exhibit, and an incredible winding, whimsical staircase.
Then, between the Blue Jays stadium and the CN Tower, we spied Steam Whistle Brewing Company. Instantly I fell in love with the venue. Built at an old roundhouse, and complete with a retired steam engine, most of the bay doors were still intact, arcing around the engine. To the left of the steam engine is the entrance to the brew pub, where several of the bay doors open to a large patio. The setting was so beautiful and nostalgic I was sad that the beer was a relatively generic pilsner, and not a tasty craft brew.
On Day 2 we started off with a morning run; while it was cloudy, the temperature was perfect for a short two-miler followed by coffee. We planned ahead: run two miles out, find coffee and take the subway back (for all its other benefits, the Toronto subway system still uses tokens!). The latte at Fahrenheit Coffee was amazing! What a great little shop - friendly faces, yummy chocolate chip muffins and cool chalk drawings of their baristas. If we lived nearby it would definitely be our go-to.
Caffeinated and showered, we jumped back into tourism: Kensington Market, Koreatown and the Distillery District. It got chilly as the day went on, so I was glad to purchase a knit Blue Jays hat at Kensington. The highlight of the afternoon was lunch at the Korean Village (preceded by a beer at Pour Boy Pub - a gem of a pub). The bi bim bap was so tasty and filling we had to push back our dinner reservations!
The rest of the afternoon, we made stops at the Mill Street Beer Hall in the Distillery District, and at Beer Bistro in the Financial District. Mill Street had a fun ambiance and lackluster beer, while Beer Bistro had amazing beer and a generic Cheesecake Factory vibe. Too bad we couldn't switch beer lists for a perfect experience!
On our last day in Toronto I was determined to get brunch - Andrew has an aversion to waiting in line for brunch, so I have to be selective about when and where I suggest it. Fortunately I'd made a great choice: Wallace & Co. in the Junction Triangle was outstanding! A tiny little diner that seats only about 20, they created the most amazing French toast I've ever had. Fresh fruit, caramel and creme fraiche adorned slices of banana bread French toast - to die for!!
No trip of ours would be complete without a glimpse of the local fire department. Andrew knows to pause the conversation when a shiny engine or ladder truck drives by, and lucky for me, he also humors my desire to visit a station house. This weekend though, we even got to see the Firefighters' Memorial!
We had a fantastic time in Toronto and can't wait to go back. Next time though we'll make sure it's a little warmer so we can take in a Blue Jays game!
Toronto Travel Resources
beeradvocate.com
blogto.com
ago.net
bluejays.com
cfff.ca
The quick flight from O'Hare into Toronto's Pearson Airport was relaxed and smooth, notable only because of Pearson's emptiness. Pearson is one of the busiest airports in Canada, but you wouldn't guess it based on our flight - we arrived to what felt like an abandoned airport. We hopped in a taxi for about 35 minutes and arrived at our hotel (the Marriott Bloor Yorkville) around lunch, famished and eager to start exploring.
When traveling we rarely make reservations or schedule out our whole trip, because we love spontaneous exploration, but we like to have ideas for sightseeing and restaurants (especially since I've been known to get hangry!). A personal recommendation, and research on Beer Advocate, led us to barVolo for lunch, and for the beer selection, we could not have done better.
Only one other customer graced the dark, heavy wood tables; the richly aged banisters and bar accents were reminiscent of an old English pub. We chose a corner table with a booth and mismatched chairs, and were promptly greeted by the bartender, who explained that we order food and drinks at the bar. I love knowing what to expect! From our table, I glimpsed an ice cream shop style counter refrigerator which serves as their cooler for rarer bottled beers. Atop the cooler was a case of (empty) Westvleteren bottles. Whether or not the bottles had ever been full, I was impressed by the display.
 |
| barVolo's beer list |
BarVolo is known for its large selection of Canadian beers, and their chalk menu clearly lists the style next to the beer name for all 32 beers on tap. When the bartender (alas, I forget his name - he was so friendly and knowledgeable!) discovered we are beer geeks, he wrote a list of bars and restaurants for us to check out. He also spent quite a bit of time explaining the Canadian beer system to us. Canada's beer laws are very strict, and it's difficult to import beers even from another Canadian province. That barVolo has so many beers on tap is a testament to their continued hard work, and their passion for beer.
For much of the rest of our day we wandered about the city, exploring different neighborhoods and scoping out interesting buildings and houses. The Frank Gehry-designed Art Gallery of Ontario offered an amazing model ship exhibit, and an incredible winding, whimsical staircase.
 |
| the Gehry spiral staircase |
 |
| Steam Whistle's roundhouse |
On Day 2 we started off with a morning run; while it was cloudy, the temperature was perfect for a short two-miler followed by coffee. We planned ahead: run two miles out, find coffee and take the subway back (for all its other benefits, the Toronto subway system still uses tokens!). The latte at Fahrenheit Coffee was amazing! What a great little shop - friendly faces, yummy chocolate chip muffins and cool chalk drawings of their baristas. If we lived nearby it would definitely be our go-to.
Caffeinated and showered, we jumped back into tourism: Kensington Market, Koreatown and the Distillery District. It got chilly as the day went on, so I was glad to purchase a knit Blue Jays hat at Kensington. The highlight of the afternoon was lunch at the Korean Village (preceded by a beer at Pour Boy Pub - a gem of a pub). The bi bim bap was so tasty and filling we had to push back our dinner reservations!
The rest of the afternoon, we made stops at the Mill Street Beer Hall in the Distillery District, and at Beer Bistro in the Financial District. Mill Street had a fun ambiance and lackluster beer, while Beer Bistro had amazing beer and a generic Cheesecake Factory vibe. Too bad we couldn't switch beer lists for a perfect experience!
On our last day in Toronto I was determined to get brunch - Andrew has an aversion to waiting in line for brunch, so I have to be selective about when and where I suggest it. Fortunately I'd made a great choice: Wallace & Co. in the Junction Triangle was outstanding! A tiny little diner that seats only about 20, they created the most amazing French toast I've ever had. Fresh fruit, caramel and creme fraiche adorned slices of banana bread French toast - to die for!!
 |
| Wallace & Co's French toast |
No trip of ours would be complete without a glimpse of the local fire department. Andrew knows to pause the conversation when a shiny engine or ladder truck drives by, and lucky for me, he also humors my desire to visit a station house. This weekend though, we even got to see the Firefighters' Memorial!
 |
| in memory if their fallen brothers |
Toronto Travel Resources
beeradvocate.com
blogto.com
ago.net
bluejays.com
cfff.ca
Saturday, March 1, 2014
A date with my city
This weekend I planned to return home to Cincinnati for some much-needed time with family and besties. Alas, this wonderful winter has decided I should stay put, so, if I must stay in Chicago, I will take advantage!!
Last Friday I was able to get to the Art Institute of Chicago (AIC) and check out the Christopher Wool exhibit, which was amazing. Andrew and I are members of the AIC so I partake in some art whenever I can, but today I wanted something slightly different. Solution: the Museum for Contemporary Art (MCA). I purchase my brand new Ventra card, hop on the Red line and head to River North.
As I pass the Chicago Fire Department's Engine 98, and approach the MCA, a giant head greets me. Literally a 20-foot tall head installed at the base of the front steps, The Character and Shape of Illuminated Things by Amanda Ross-Ho offers the first glimpse of the what's in store inside. Today the main exhibit is The Way of the Shovel, cleverly advertised amidst a sidewalk full of snow, with shoveled walkways that look almost manicured. I bound up the steps, and almost meet my maker after slipping on the wet floor inside the revolving door. Yes, that takes a special talent.
After paying the trifling $12 adult admission (Attendant: are you a teacher or student? Me: well I teach Pilates, but I don't think that's what you mean. Attendant: ...crickets... Seriously?! Nothing?! Come on, dude...), I head over to the complementary coat check and ditch my coat, gloves, hat, ear muffs, scarf...the list goes on. The prominent sign that says "no tips" and describes why this is a service they choose to offer only makes me want to tip them more. Respecting their wishes, I head to my first exhibit, William J. O'Brien.
Full of colored pencil and glitter, this exhibit is overrun with junior high groups and tour guides, so while full of brilliant color, I pass quickly through the complex drawings, paintings and sculptures. Though, I overhear and appreciate the guide's comparisons to the imperfect clay works the students may have made as children, and the artist's decision to include similar pieces in his exhibit.
The City Self exhibit enthralls me. It is the one exhibit I will recommend to my husband. I have a soft spot for my adopted city and all the beautiful things she has to offer, and so when I see her in print I am mesmerized. The mix of photography, paintings, sketches and other mediums from various artists offers an intimate view of Chicago, and the feeling that you are seeing the most secret and best the city has to offer.
I breeze through the rest of the exhibits; much as I like to consider myself cultured, I like to look, not read, when I'm at a museum, so I don't have much patience for exhibits that require explanation. Finally though, no visit to the MCA is complete without a stop in their two story museum shop. Quirky cards, books and trinkets, jewelry, housewares, stuffed animals, every modern thing you could possibly want. Though the winding staircase has been known to disorient me, few places entertain me so completely as the MCA shop.
My desire for culture satiated, I head south on Michigan Avenue. A plethora of uniformed officers mill about, and I wonder fleetingly about the Mag Mile muggings I've read about in the last few months. Fortunately on such a cold day, crowds are small - only the most desperate or bored are crazy enough to be shopping on Michigan today.
I don't make the trip to Michigan Ave often (I have a well-known dislike of crowds), so I make a quick stop at Nordstrom. In search of comfy AND cute sandals, I leave disappointed, and head to Room and Board to scout out an entry table. While very attractive and fitting for our space, the small table we've been eyeing online offends my (occasional) frugality, so I move on. Luckily for me, while window shopping at R&B, I spot a shopper carrying an Eataly paper bag. Light bulb!! Andrew has little interest in such a place, but since I'm by myself on a weekday, crowds are likely to be manageable. As an added benefit, I'm starving! Lunch is planned.
Inside it's bustling. I'm greeted by a very tall man with a huge smile, who asks me if I've ever been to Eataly. He informs me that I've just found my new home, and hands me a map. The first floor is a maze of cafe-style shops, and beautiful, fun housewares. I'm still starving so I head upstairs and am overwhelmed by the sheer size of what confronts me. People everywhere, I see counters filled with salamis, cheeses, pastas; mid-aisle stands offer me every Italian delight I could hope for. I turn around, and see the enormous wine section, followed by angels singing!
I wander a bit, trying to get a feel for the etiquette. It's overwhelming, really, and though there are a number of individual restaurants at hand, it is not clear which tables belong to which restaurant, and nothing to tell you if you should seat yourself or wait for a host/ess. I'm on a healthier eating kick, so I grab a bar seat at La Verdure.
The prosecco I start with is a generous pour, the bubbles immediately making me happy and giggly. I order the farratto, and it is truly amazing. The risotto style preparation is creamy and delicious, and the butternut squash makes the dish decadent. I devour every last bit of it. The service is a little slow, so it takes about 10-15 more minutes to get my check and pay.
I make a bee line for the wine section, and spend about 20 minutes perusing before I make my selections. The counter selling fresh pasta is too tempting to pass up, so I purchase several bundles of spinach and squid ink pasta. A few counters, and a hundred dollars, later, I'm on my way to the Red Line, giddy with my purchases, and reminded of why I love Chicago.
Last Friday I was able to get to the Art Institute of Chicago (AIC) and check out the Christopher Wool exhibit, which was amazing. Andrew and I are members of the AIC so I partake in some art whenever I can, but today I wanted something slightly different. Solution: the Museum for Contemporary Art (MCA). I purchase my brand new Ventra card, hop on the Red line and head to River North.
As I pass the Chicago Fire Department's Engine 98, and approach the MCA, a giant head greets me. Literally a 20-foot tall head installed at the base of the front steps, The Character and Shape of Illuminated Things by Amanda Ross-Ho offers the first glimpse of the what's in store inside. Today the main exhibit is The Way of the Shovel, cleverly advertised amidst a sidewalk full of snow, with shoveled walkways that look almost manicured. I bound up the steps, and almost meet my maker after slipping on the wet floor inside the revolving door. Yes, that takes a special talent.
After paying the trifling $12 adult admission (Attendant: are you a teacher or student? Me: well I teach Pilates, but I don't think that's what you mean. Attendant: ...crickets... Seriously?! Nothing?! Come on, dude...), I head over to the complementary coat check and ditch my coat, gloves, hat, ear muffs, scarf...the list goes on. The prominent sign that says "no tips" and describes why this is a service they choose to offer only makes me want to tip them more. Respecting their wishes, I head to my first exhibit, William J. O'Brien.
Full of colored pencil and glitter, this exhibit is overrun with junior high groups and tour guides, so while full of brilliant color, I pass quickly through the complex drawings, paintings and sculptures. Though, I overhear and appreciate the guide's comparisons to the imperfect clay works the students may have made as children, and the artist's decision to include similar pieces in his exhibit.
The City Self exhibit enthralls me. It is the one exhibit I will recommend to my husband. I have a soft spot for my adopted city and all the beautiful things she has to offer, and so when I see her in print I am mesmerized. The mix of photography, paintings, sketches and other mediums from various artists offers an intimate view of Chicago, and the feeling that you are seeing the most secret and best the city has to offer.
I breeze through the rest of the exhibits; much as I like to consider myself cultured, I like to look, not read, when I'm at a museum, so I don't have much patience for exhibits that require explanation. Finally though, no visit to the MCA is complete without a stop in their two story museum shop. Quirky cards, books and trinkets, jewelry, housewares, stuffed animals, every modern thing you could possibly want. Though the winding staircase has been known to disorient me, few places entertain me so completely as the MCA shop.
My desire for culture satiated, I head south on Michigan Avenue. A plethora of uniformed officers mill about, and I wonder fleetingly about the Mag Mile muggings I've read about in the last few months. Fortunately on such a cold day, crowds are small - only the most desperate or bored are crazy enough to be shopping on Michigan today.
I don't make the trip to Michigan Ave often (I have a well-known dislike of crowds), so I make a quick stop at Nordstrom. In search of comfy AND cute sandals, I leave disappointed, and head to Room and Board to scout out an entry table. While very attractive and fitting for our space, the small table we've been eyeing online offends my (occasional) frugality, so I move on. Luckily for me, while window shopping at R&B, I spot a shopper carrying an Eataly paper bag. Light bulb!! Andrew has little interest in such a place, but since I'm by myself on a weekday, crowds are likely to be manageable. As an added benefit, I'm starving! Lunch is planned.
Inside it's bustling. I'm greeted by a very tall man with a huge smile, who asks me if I've ever been to Eataly. He informs me that I've just found my new home, and hands me a map. The first floor is a maze of cafe-style shops, and beautiful, fun housewares. I'm still starving so I head upstairs and am overwhelmed by the sheer size of what confronts me. People everywhere, I see counters filled with salamis, cheeses, pastas; mid-aisle stands offer me every Italian delight I could hope for. I turn around, and see the enormous wine section, followed by angels singing!
I wander a bit, trying to get a feel for the etiquette. It's overwhelming, really, and though there are a number of individual restaurants at hand, it is not clear which tables belong to which restaurant, and nothing to tell you if you should seat yourself or wait for a host/ess. I'm on a healthier eating kick, so I grab a bar seat at La Verdure.
The prosecco I start with is a generous pour, the bubbles immediately making me happy and giggly. I order the farratto, and it is truly amazing. The risotto style preparation is creamy and delicious, and the butternut squash makes the dish decadent. I devour every last bit of it. The service is a little slow, so it takes about 10-15 more minutes to get my check and pay.
I make a bee line for the wine section, and spend about 20 minutes perusing before I make my selections. The counter selling fresh pasta is too tempting to pass up, so I purchase several bundles of spinach and squid ink pasta. A few counters, and a hundred dollars, later, I'm on my way to the Red Line, giddy with my purchases, and reminded of why I love Chicago.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Friendship / no more selfishness
So. Perhaps to return to the blog that then-fiance now-husband made us start? It could be the time.
First thoughts that must be expressed are on friendship. This is a realization that has smacked me square in the face, and a reminder of what I should strive for. If you are going to have someone as a friend - if they are going to be a friend to you, and you are going to accept and encourage that friendship, you must in turn be a friend to them!
It cannot be about you all the time. You have to allow the conversation to, at least occasionally be about them, and not finagle it around to you again. You must let them be a significant part of the relationship, and not consider each of their statements or stories as an opportunity to talk about yourself.
I urge you to take a look at your friendships and examine - truthfully - whether you are allowing your friends the opportunity and the freedom to express themselves, their needs, desires, insecurities, wants, hopes, fears, all, or any of this, without judgment, without turning the story away from them.
You may not recognize this - I did not recognize it in myself. I challenge you. Pay attention to each conversation you have in the next 24 hours. How many times do you change your friend's story into a story of your own? If you value your friendship, make sure you give them the chance to express their spirit. Sometimes they have things to share, and if you try to trump them, it only shows you devalue them.
First thoughts that must be expressed are on friendship. This is a realization that has smacked me square in the face, and a reminder of what I should strive for. If you are going to have someone as a friend - if they are going to be a friend to you, and you are going to accept and encourage that friendship, you must in turn be a friend to them!
It cannot be about you all the time. You have to allow the conversation to, at least occasionally be about them, and not finagle it around to you again. You must let them be a significant part of the relationship, and not consider each of their statements or stories as an opportunity to talk about yourself.
I urge you to take a look at your friendships and examine - truthfully - whether you are allowing your friends the opportunity and the freedom to express themselves, their needs, desires, insecurities, wants, hopes, fears, all, or any of this, without judgment, without turning the story away from them.
You may not recognize this - I did not recognize it in myself. I challenge you. Pay attention to each conversation you have in the next 24 hours. How many times do you change your friend's story into a story of your own? If you value your friendship, make sure you give them the chance to express their spirit. Sometimes they have things to share, and if you try to trump them, it only shows you devalue them.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Struggles to improve
The thing about it is, if I keep at it, if I keep doing what I'm doing, I should theoretically get better with experience.
But it's hard to know what that means. There comes a point when you just don't know what the problem is; and if you don't know what the issue is, how can you know how to address or improve it? And so what do you do then? How do you keep learning and growing? Where do you go, who do you talk to when you don't know?
Sure, there are others around me, but they're busy, and they get tired of all the questions, and - more importantly - they make it sound so easy. "All you do is" this; "you just have to" do that. It sounds like it is not a big deal. It's so simple, see? The answer is right here!
But if that's the case, why isn't it actually making a difference? Why am I not seeing changes? How do I make the connections for them? How do I speak the language I need to learn, to make sense of what the body does or doesn't do? How do I get through to them?
It's beyond overwhelming sometimes, and intimidating. Sometimes it feels as if there is nothing more I can do, sometimes it feels like a lost cause. Why do I even bother? I need something good, I need a positive thing, some sign I am doing the right thing here.
But it's hard to know what that means. There comes a point when you just don't know what the problem is; and if you don't know what the issue is, how can you know how to address or improve it? And so what do you do then? How do you keep learning and growing? Where do you go, who do you talk to when you don't know?
Sure, there are others around me, but they're busy, and they get tired of all the questions, and - more importantly - they make it sound so easy. "All you do is" this; "you just have to" do that. It sounds like it is not a big deal. It's so simple, see? The answer is right here!
But if that's the case, why isn't it actually making a difference? Why am I not seeing changes? How do I make the connections for them? How do I speak the language I need to learn, to make sense of what the body does or doesn't do? How do I get through to them?
It's beyond overwhelming sometimes, and intimidating. Sometimes it feels as if there is nothing more I can do, sometimes it feels like a lost cause. Why do I even bother? I need something good, I need a positive thing, some sign I am doing the right thing here.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
The decision, and then some
Well, blog! A lot has happened since I failed miserably at Andrew's challenge to write a blog post two days a week. That was well over a month ago, and this is only my second post. Let's just admit it: I'm in the wrong here. I suck. :)
Okay, so three days after my last post, my wonderful and amazing Andrew asked me to spend the rest of my life with him, and of course I said yes. I'm so very excited. My ring is absolutely amazing too. So a lot of my time has been taken up with wedding planning for our April 28 wedding (yikes, soon!).
Also, shortly after that, we learned we will be moving back to Chicago at the end of September. Which is good for so many reasons. First, it's Chicago (and not Stamford). Second, friends and family. Third....I get to quit my job! Which is a fantastic way to kick start this plan of mine to start Pilates teacher training. I'm going to get a part time job and focus on learning Pilates through practice, then start training.
So wow, this is a reality. Or almost a reality. Exciting and scary. I mean, now I actually have to do it. I actually have to follow through with this. Really spend this time internalizing Pilates and making it like second nature. Feel it in my bones, and feel the changes it brings to my body. Because at some point, it will be my job to bring those changes to others. Wow.
What if I suck at this? What if I don't like the people? What if I am not any good at the programming part of it? Hmmm. Very scary. I don't have a lot of confidence in my ability to try something new or take a risk.
But. Two Pilates instructors told me they think I will be good at it. They both say I "understand" it. So that makes me feel good. Hopefully it continues.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
in the beginning / what to do
I think the thing about figuring out what to do with your life is that you feel like there's supposed to be some clear (or clearer?) direction, or something semi-obvious, or at least some clues. And up to a point, I guess I always felt like there was, but now...nothing. I've never really had a particular area that appealed to me, nothing drawing me nearer, nothing that "spoke" to me. My career has drifted from one industry to the next, with nothing really seeming any better than the last thing.
Truthfully I'm probably mentally lazy. Which in itself is scary/disappointing/shameful to think about, but I think that's another topic. But I think it's also that I'm not really meant for "business." My brain doesn't really work that way. I want to understand what I'm supposed to do, and have a good, clear concept of what I have to do. I want the "work" to come to me, not to have to seek it out, or expand it, or be businessy about it. Not really what today's businesses want to hear, but...I'm okay with myself enough to understand that.
So, what, then, do I want? Why does that seem like it should be an easy question to answer? The things I've landed on:
1. I want to "make a difference."
2. I like working out - weights, cardio, pilates, cycling
3. I like wine.
#1 is like a trick though, because, if I find something I really like doing, will I care as much about make a difference? I think so. First, whatever I find "to do" might actually be something that makes a difference. Win-win. But second, there are so many ways to "make a difference" that this doesn't necessarily have to be answered by my job. It could be answered by donating, volunteering, fostering, becoming a mom, etc. So let's set that aside for now.
So for the last many years of my life, what has been consistent? Well, I've been working out consistently (sometimes harder than others) for 8 years. I've also really liked wine. So how do I decide which to pursue?
Fitness is a crazy big category - exercise physiology, personal training, physical therapy, sports medicine, etc, all of which require a lot more schooling. Not an easy decision considering it's been 9 years since I've been in school (wow, am I that old?). But even more important, school is really expensive! And how can I do it while working full time? Work/life balance is so crucial to me, and I can't see myself mentally surviving 40 hours of work per week plus school, plus home life.
Didn't I used to be wonder woman? How did this all get so taxing and exhausting?
So I'm not sure I'm capable of/up for a lot of expensive school that will take away from my enjoying life. But I did love Pilates when I went to mat classes all the time, and I'm really enjoying the reformer and other machines. That's an idea. Pilates training is intense, but not as extensive as something requiring a degree. I've never wanted to be a trainer, but a Pilates instructor...that doesn't seem as overwhelming. Nor do the hours seem as insane. And I like the idea of the grace and beauty of Pilates. It amazes me what the body can do, truly, when I see and do things on these machines.
But I do love wine. It's tastier. And I think wine is easier to get excited about (because it's a sense thing). More accessible, more seductive. More naturally interesting, exciting. And multi-faceted: there's how to taste it, how it's made, the history, etc.
On the other hand, there are downsides to "going into wine" - it's pretty immense. Also...I've never had a great sense of smell!
So I've done some research (a little, for I am so terribly bad at research) and found a couple of institutions where I can learn more about each of them. Now I just need to do something. Stop looking for reasons to wait, stop trying to find something else to distract you, stop staying still. Find some motivation, find some energy, for God's sake, and please just do something.
Truthfully I'm probably mentally lazy. Which in itself is scary/disappointing/shameful to think about, but I think that's another topic. But I think it's also that I'm not really meant for "business." My brain doesn't really work that way. I want to understand what I'm supposed to do, and have a good, clear concept of what I have to do. I want the "work" to come to me, not to have to seek it out, or expand it, or be businessy about it. Not really what today's businesses want to hear, but...I'm okay with myself enough to understand that.
So, what, then, do I want? Why does that seem like it should be an easy question to answer? The things I've landed on:
1. I want to "make a difference."
2. I like working out - weights, cardio, pilates, cycling
3. I like wine.
#1 is like a trick though, because, if I find something I really like doing, will I care as much about make a difference? I think so. First, whatever I find "to do" might actually be something that makes a difference. Win-win. But second, there are so many ways to "make a difference" that this doesn't necessarily have to be answered by my job. It could be answered by donating, volunteering, fostering, becoming a mom, etc. So let's set that aside for now.
So for the last many years of my life, what has been consistent? Well, I've been working out consistently (sometimes harder than others) for 8 years. I've also really liked wine. So how do I decide which to pursue?
Fitness is a crazy big category - exercise physiology, personal training, physical therapy, sports medicine, etc, all of which require a lot more schooling. Not an easy decision considering it's been 9 years since I've been in school (wow, am I that old?). But even more important, school is really expensive! And how can I do it while working full time? Work/life balance is so crucial to me, and I can't see myself mentally surviving 40 hours of work per week plus school, plus home life.
Didn't I used to be wonder woman? How did this all get so taxing and exhausting?
So I'm not sure I'm capable of/up for a lot of expensive school that will take away from my enjoying life. But I did love Pilates when I went to mat classes all the time, and I'm really enjoying the reformer and other machines. That's an idea. Pilates training is intense, but not as extensive as something requiring a degree. I've never wanted to be a trainer, but a Pilates instructor...that doesn't seem as overwhelming. Nor do the hours seem as insane. And I like the idea of the grace and beauty of Pilates. It amazes me what the body can do, truly, when I see and do things on these machines.
But I do love wine. It's tastier. And I think wine is easier to get excited about (because it's a sense thing). More accessible, more seductive. More naturally interesting, exciting. And multi-faceted: there's how to taste it, how it's made, the history, etc.
On the other hand, there are downsides to "going into wine" - it's pretty immense. Also...I've never had a great sense of smell!
So I've done some research (a little, for I am so terribly bad at research) and found a couple of institutions where I can learn more about each of them. Now I just need to do something. Stop looking for reasons to wait, stop trying to find something else to distract you, stop staying still. Find some motivation, find some energy, for God's sake, and please just do something.
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